I’ve been wanting to talk about this one for a WHILE now.
I never knew when the right time, or when the situation would strike to inspire. Or, encourage me to chat about it.
First, on the event because I CAN'T WAIT.
June 24th from 3 - 7 PM in Beverly Hills at this GORGEOUS SPACE. We'll do a moving meditation together, we'll eat light bites, get TONS of goodies from so many good brands, and then have the speaking sessions from our amazing speakers talking about their body journey. If you haven't listened, listen to our Almost 30 Podcast episodes with all of those babes. They are so REAL, raw, honest, fun and have SO MUCH depth.
So, come! Register here and bring a friend :).
So, back to body image, and the bodies we all LOVE to hate.
I feel like there's so much info out there about how to look and feel your best.
It's like, 'I drank lemon water in the morning for a month and feel GREAT. Here are the top 10 benefits to drinking lemon water in the morning'.
We want to remember the days that we looked and felt our prettiest, and fittest.
There are SO MANY articles about how to be your thin, pretty, have clear skin, have good hair...
Take this vitamin, drink this tea, do this workout, use this face cream. Blah blah blah. But there aren't always articles or instructions about getting over bad body conversations.
I mean, hi.
I write about shit you can do to make you feel better about how you look.
Everything that I do share - I believe in, and do myself. But, there's a piece missing there.
My thought to write this was sparked by a conversation with a friend on her shag carpet in West Hollywood.
Oh, and by every consideration, my girlfriend is TINY.
A literal 100 pounds, yoga lover/instructor, super in shape and an actual model. She's the girl that makes the girls at the front desk at yoga
So, I was pretty surprised to hear when she started talking to me about her issues around food, and eating and her body.
She went through a list of what her body SHOULD look like, why wasn't that way (her bad habits, she's lazy...all things that weren't true) and then went to Instagram to show me the girl she believes she SHOULD look like.
I felt like I was in the twilight zone.
This was the person who I knew that other girls were looking at saying, why can't I look like HER?
Even the "HER" has another girl who they think they should look like.
It's a cycle that never ends. Every girl, has another girl on fucking instagram they think they should look like. Or someone they should talk like, take pictures like, dress like....
Pretty fucking sad right?
Keeping in mind - this person I'm hearing is SO much smaller than me. Someone by standard definitions has what we'd consider the perfect body.
Long, lean, and toned.
But having this conversation with someone where we had such similar, destructive thoughts was just a reminder about how hard we are ALL hard on ourselves. I felt myself talking shit about myself and my body, too.
On that night were two healthy, able bodied girls complaining about everything they DIDN'T have going for them.
Pretty sad huh?
At the end of the conversation I was sick of hearing myself. Feeling like some of what I had said was truly how I felt, and that some of it wasn’t really how I felt.
I felt like I had betrayed myself a little bit and talked so poorly about myself. Deep in my core, I know that I love myself more than that.
When I really think about it, I get frustrated that with all of the GOOD in my life I can sit there and have a negative conversation with myself about how much I eat, and how much I think I should eat. How I think I should look.
Sometimes because I do have those thoughts, I feel like I attract those conversations. Where it centers around not feeling good ENOUGH about my body and the way that I look.
Insecure days come in different forms and the experiences accompanied with them vary from person to person.
Okay, so I’m not at a weight I feel my best at, or most comfortable at. But I am healthy, I’m working out, I have friends, I have a job I love, passions I love, friends I love….so when I become consumed with that one negative conversation, it negates those other amazing things completely.
Why does one bad thought overtake all the other good?
Yes there have been times where it’s WAY less good on that scale, and the list of good things may seem shorter, but that’s when you concentrate more intensely on the good.
During these insecure days, It’s important to differentiate that negative voice in your head from your truest self.
When I was talking out loud at my friends, I felt like I was betraying myself because I was letting my negative voice overtake the one that was my true self. The one that's always there for you, man. Your true voice, or authentic self is the greatest part of you. It’s at your very core. It's that strength and light that movies talk about and charities speak to. When there's more noise, it's harder to hear the voice deep in your core.
To help combat my incessant conversation about my weight, and body, I've enlisted a health coach, who I’ve been working with for the past month.
Jessica Suchan, gorgeous angel and friend, has been serious game changing in helping me understand my thought patterns related to food and body image, and rethink about how I approach and speak to myself. Also about the decisions I make and WHY I made them. I'll have a full post on that and some of the negative patterns around food/self talk that we all most likely do to share.
Having a coach has helped me realize:
- Overall, I am doing more good than harm to my body. I workout, I sleep, I'm vegan and eat well overall...I prioritize my health and although I'm not super happy with how things go most of the time body wise, I am doing SO MUCH right. Thinking of the little things, like drinking water, having tea after dinner, going on a walk at work, is critical to finding more and more ways to do better by yourself.
- Little things MATTER. I've never realized how much little things matter. Like, little snacks, 200 calories here, or 200 there, REALLY add up. Every bite, lick or taste, your body takes in and if you're not counting it in as your calories you need to be.
- Encouraging yourself works wonders over discouraging. I felt like for so long I would get so frustrated I didn't know how else to approach myself than to talk negatively to myself. But it turns out that the tiny wins, and cheering myself on does me way better than being my own bully.
- Having someone that's unbiased and non-judgmental is KEY. Jessica listens and truly gives such unbiased advice, it's been so nice to speak openly about how I am feeling and what is going on. Your family and friends can do that, but by removing that 'knowing' of you, you get so much more accomplished.
- Start small, and take little steps. It makes such a difference.
- It's not going to be easy and there isn't an end point. Seriously with your body and health, as long as your alive, it'll be a conversation.
Again it's part of the journey, and part of the LONG GAME. Making better decisions for the rest of your life, not just part of a diet.
Okay, enough about you. I wanna hear from you guys?
Do you find yourself trapped in negative self talk about your body? What about social media? What do we think.
What do you do to feel better?
Excited to hear your thoughts :)
Have the best week, and if you're coming to the event this weekend, I can't WAIT to SEE YOU.