I've been having the same conversations with very different people (at very different stages in their lives) for the past few months now. All with the same undertone, idea and feeling, that of restlessness.
Y'all know where this is going! *DEEP CHATS*
Since I started my meditation practice a few years ago, I wouldn't consider myself someone that has loop nagging thoughts. Don't get me wrong I've had my share of #sundayscaries, where you're unable to essentially escape yourself.
I mean, for quite some time, it was like a constant anxiety that would keep me up and I'd be sleeping for like 3 hours a night.
Thoughts that keep you living in a type of 'virtual reality'. Where you're more in your head then where you actually are.
I was really productive then lol. UP AND AT 'EM texting people at like 5:00 AM like a psycho.
But, as I've said, in a serious way, meditation helps to calm anxiety, and that incessant feeling of being out of control of a situation. It's honestly changed my life. Not to talk about that too much, because you can read about my meditation journey here.
I haven't had one of those 'cyclical thoughts' spells in so long. You know, those that are just the same thoughts with a question mark at the end every time. No actual solution is suggested, or you suggest too many solutions. You have multiple paths that you explore (again, just in your head) each possible destination further perpetuating your anxiety.
I know so many people who think like this and have these anxious thoughts. I would say, about, every one of my friends thinks like this but 5.
Just thinking off the top of my head, LOL.
These loop thoughts could be regarding your career and what you're doing in life right now. Do you continue the path you're on because it's easy, because it's safe, or because you're comfortable?
Or, do you take the leap and go outside of your comfort zone to make a step towards something that could potentially fulfill you more than your current choice?
(Money of course comes into play in various places here).
It could be thoughts related to who you're dating. Do you stay with someone you know isn't your 'person' because it's comfortable and it's too much effort to break up?. The holidays are coming and you can't imagine doing it without them so you hang on until you think it could be easier.
(J not talking about you boo).
For me it's been one of those times where I have been overcome with loop thoughts related to my career and allocation of time, that have slowly crept into my chill time and even to my sleep. (My nightmares are GNARLY. This is so fucked up, but the other night I was swimming in a pool of dead babies. NO JOKE. NOT OKAY).
This anxiety comes in waves, it's completely natural and attributed to a pivotal time in our lives. Especially in our twenties when life path choices are varied and available.
For me it's the struggle of how much time I spend doing work, or at my 9-5, with the unknown belief of how valuable what I'm doing to the world is. If I was to really think about it, is what we do in our jobs benefiting ourselves and the people around us? Or just perpetuating consumerism, and bullshit?
(I couldn't find another word there, HA).
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy in my work, but if you REALLY think about it, does what I do matter?
That's what I'm looping.
I think it's the struggle between all of the choices our generation has. With the increase in social media, we're now aware of the life paths of people we know personally and those we don't. We have more choices (and pictures of how amazing each choice is) than ever before. There are jobs and careers that never existed five years ago. Like being a blogger, or social media expert, for example.
Nowadays, you see more people boldly saying 'fuck it corporate America', and living in a random country, volunteering and finding themselves immersed in things unfamiliar.
But, there's also those people going full fledged corporate and climbing their way to the top via the daily grind. A lifestyle that provides a baseline of stability and support that will last you until you're ready for retirement.
These days you can compare and contrast your current situation with everyone else so quickly. A little bit of this job, a little bit of that career - which may seem interesting to you and could be something that would make you fulfilled. But for how long? As we evolve and age, our interests change, as well as what we want out of a 9-5. Now it could be more benefits or less hours in the office. Possibly for some, it's start-up life with no benefits, scooters in the office and dinners served free past 7 PM.
I, like many, have slowly made moves in various of areas of my life to constantly improve my awareness, and situation in both my career and personal life. As I explore more areas of interest and educate myself in places that I didn't have knowledge in before (such as climate change - swear to God) I just can't help but feel like there has to be a middle ground to finding something to do in your life, that helps more than just increase the bottom line at a company. Something that helps more than your bank account, but you and those around you.
Something you wouldn't have loop thoughts doing. But feel at peace each day, and each night, tired from the day, fulfilled from both a bank account and holistic perspective.
Is there a way to have it all, and when do you take the leap and make the move to go for it?
Will what you thought you want now change? Most situations, you think you were making the right decision before heading into it, for example in your career or love life. But then you changed, you grew and it maybe wasn't anymore.
That, I don't know. But I would seriously love to hear your thoughts. Do you have loop thoughts, or get restless? A bit of anxiety in the daily grind? Or if you do feel fulfilled, what's the secret? Do you have your days?
Feelin' this! Let me know.